At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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