you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
