420 ftw
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
the liver wants what the liver wants
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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