I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
