So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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