he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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