yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
