Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Small penises have feelings too.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
