i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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