You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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