Will you blow on my dice?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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