i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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