if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
