She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
