Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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