Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
