Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Dick very happy bro
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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