I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
