ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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