Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
