Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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