Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Pants are for mortals
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
