Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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