My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
