I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
