A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
