Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
