Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
