One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
