i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
