I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
