he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
my liver is dry heaving
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
why is half of my head shaved?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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