saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
