the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
