Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
