I think I died a long time ago.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
