the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
