Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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