I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
