oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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