There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
