Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
