Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
