Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
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