She is in my trunk
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
