i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
