i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I can't put those talents on a resume
I think my nap took me to another dimension
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
