I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
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