I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We have started to decorate penises.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
