No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
