Me. At least after what I've been through.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
MIDGETS
????
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
