its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
