i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
